Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Mom guilt . . . God's Grace

As I was literally dragging my three-year-old into playdate this afternoon so I could go and have my iron treatment I had a guilty feeling. Granted it was overwhelmed pretty quickly by embarassment and anger--why can he not just walk in the door and obey me? Playdate is FUN! These people probably think I am the worst mother ever for sitting on my child so I can santize his hands then dragging him through the door on the carpet and locking it so he can't run after me. UGH! I hate that!

My little boy is an angel 80% of the time--he is awesome in restaurants most of the time, he remembers to say please and thank you, he is obedient when he goes on playdates etc. I rarely have him act up when I am not there. I just get treated to the worst of the worst when it is just us at home. This is the wonderful child that will obey me for 2 hours in the doctor's office while I get a treatment then come home and fight for two hours about taking a nap. He will sit in time out for HOURS just glaring at me.

Yeah--that makes me feel guilty. What on earth could I have done wrong to create a three year old with the stamina and will-power to glare for over 2 hours from a hard wooden time out chair??

Then I remembered on the way home today--where he was his angelic, talkative, cheerful and wonderful self--Elijah is my precious gift from God. He actually told his sissy this because she was fussing from being over-tired.

"Lydia--you don't need to fuss. Did you know you are God's special gift to me? God gave me you as my sissy and I love you. Stop fussing sweetie please???"

And I think to myself as I struggle not to start sobbing at the sweetness--what have I done right to create such a wonderful empathetic little boy?

Elijah will often ask why I am his mommy or Lyddie is his sissy or why we're getting a new baby and I always say that it is God's perfect choice for our family. Something like:
"Elijah--do you know how blessed we are? Daddy and I could have been given another little boy but instead God picked you out just for us. You are our precious gift from God!" He then likes to know just what God picked out about him--his eyes, his hair, his toenails etc. He gets a huge kick out of knowing that God picked out his toenails and his eyebrows.

Yeah--mom guilt and God's grace. God chose me to deal with this little boy because no other person on earth is better suited to do it. I just keep telling myself that and doing the best I know to do and praying that his strong willed behaviors lead him in the right direction.

1 comment:

stacyamatthews said...

I love this! You are doing a wonderful job as a mother! The kids are precious and to have that kind of empathy at 3 is remarkable. So sweet!