This morning was great. After a night of almost 5 hours of sleep, I am feeling energized and pretty well rested. I got to spend one on one time with Bethany after I dropped the older two off at preschool, I cleaned the bathrooms, I got dinner started in the crock-pot, I had lunch with my mom. It was good. I didn't do as much as I had hoped because Bethany decided her time would be better spent screaming than napping but I did get the bathrooms cleaned!
The bathrooms were in need of cleaning. We're potty training (re-training??) Lydia after a break from panties since October. She is pretty good but still a bit messy. EJ is all boy and his aim is usually a bit off . . needless to say the bathrooms get dirty in a hurry. Anyway, as I was cleaning and listening to Bethany wailing I thought to myself how blessed I am. How many women who can't have children would LOVE to stay up all night with a colicky baby? How many moms have children with disabilities who CAN'T take themselves to the bathroom? I'm sure they would love to have to clean up after a little boy with bad aim. How many moms have lost children and would love to have to put up with a toddler who screams, bites and throws tantrums? Yes I am truly blessed beyond belief.
Lately I have been trying VERY VERY VERY hard to focus on the positive and quit the "stinkin' thinkin' " that is so easy to do. I have been trying to count my blessings instead of moping around. I have been trying to focus on the positive--shower, coffee, kisses and snuggles. I know one day I am going to look back and have forgotten the worst of this and remember the good. I don't want to spend my time and energy focusing on the negatives because that is NOT what I want to remember. This is hard for me. I am tired. I don't want to do this sometimes. I want a sick day or a vacation day or something. I want my kids to magically act the right way and do the right things. I don't have the energy sometimes to put the effort needed to do what I want to do. But somehow I reach down and know that most days I have done my best. My kids ate vegetables. My kids used their manners. My kids didn't break anything at the Wal-mart. Whatever. I will take even the smallest victory and claim it.