I wonder what is best for my children every day. I thought homeschool was the best thing and it seems to have been a very wise decision. It has allowed us to transition slowly into living in a new place. It has allowed me a lot of flexibility with going back to Wilson and the beach.
Today though, I watched my 5 year old seriously struggle with relating to some kids his age at a McDonald's playplace. I wondered if he is getting enough time to socialize. I look at my Sparks and it is very obvious who is homeschooled and who isn't. Those that routinely walk in lines, wait their turns, know how to be a part of a big group and those that don't. I wonder what I want, what God wants, for my little boy.
I struggle daily to get school done with my two little ones distracting. I love that EJ can go at his own pace, that he is reading so well when other Kindergartners might not be and that he is happy to play and learn with me. Then we struggle or something comes up like a car appointment and school doesn't get done. I feel horrible about that. I feel like I am short changing my little boy. I also feel like I am short changing the girls. Instead of playing pretend and playing with them I end up letting them do their own thing while I "do school" with Elijah. They are learning a lot too but still, they are little and should have fun playing.
The thought of him being gone everyday is unbearable to me. The thought of someone else teaching him, him learning bad things from other kids with different backgrounds, him teaching other kids bad things he's picked up . . I am terrified! I don't know what to do.
Right now I am doing what I do best . . .researching it to death. I am getting feedback, exploring options, finding out what is out there. I think that going and obeying a teacher, being part of a classroom would help him. Socially he is awkward. He is very smart but very quirky too. I think helping him learn what "everyone else" does would be a good thing. I don't want him to conform but I don't want him to stick out either.
I am praying. Am I the best teacher for him? Should I be doing things differently? I guess knowing that I could always fall back on homeschool is making me braver in this quest. If we give it a go we can re-evaluate in December or at the end of first grade and decide. Take it year by year, month by month if we have to.
All these decisions . . .I want to do what is right for my son.