Saturday, July 30, 2011

Heaven and Hell

Heard something tonight that really stuck with me . . .

For some people, this life is as close to Hell as they will experience---what a wonderful thought!

For others, this life is as close to Heaven as they will experience--what a sobering thought.


Tonight's sermon on how a "Good God" can allow bad things to happen--it was amazing to hear about suffering.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Still waiting to cry . . .

I feel like I should be sadder than I am about leaving our house. I haven't cried yet and I am beginning to wonder if I am going to. That house has so many memories! Two of my children were born in the master bedroom. Every Christmas has been celebrated there. We saw firs steps, first words and first teeth for all three kids. I guess I am just ready to move on and be a family again.

The hardest part is that I feel so unemotional about it I'm having trouble empathizing with the kids. Elijah has been throwing tantrums and just generally upset and that, combined with the exhaustion of the past week of moving has just drained me completely.

Yesterday both the older kids were in tears when I told them we couldn't go "home" and that we were staying with granny and then going to "new house" next week. They were sobbing and crying and Lydia said: "I want to go to MY home. IT is where I have always lived and I want to go there." I was calm, I didn't cry and I didn't even feel sad about it--what's wrong with me?? Instead I drove them by to say goodbye to the house and we came home and made rice krispy treats.

Wonder if its gonna hit me when we've moved or not? Maybe I am so confident in our decision I can only look forward to better things and not look back to what has been. . .

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Elijah James--Culinary Adventurer

Elijah just stuck a nutter butter mini inside a bugle, ate it and said "Oh my! That is quite possibly the best thing I have ever tasted in my life!" Granny's pantry holds all sorts of culinary delights!


We have a closing on the house--Monday at 2pm!!
So very excited. We had two groups come out and help us move the big furniture to the outbuilding. 5 guys from SS class came Monday and last ngith some friends and my dad and brother came and got the mattresses. All that's left to do is some boxes. The movers are schedules for next Wed and Thursday and the utilities are all set to start on Monday. Things are coming together. Now to get a fridge delivered, a washer and dryer delivered and move in!! Looks like the kids will be coming next Saturday to the house! Very excited!

Monday, July 11, 2011

Bathtime Backfloat


EJ only tantrumed for about 30 minutes when he saw his room. I honestly thought it would be much longer. Saturday Justin and I packed and packed and packed. I had a slight freakout in the morning when we were faced with the contents of the attic, all the packing left to do and no moving date in sight. We still don't have a date from the bank so all the moving and lifting I thought that the movers would be doing now fell on our shoulders and I freaked out. We are carrying EVERYTHING we own and storing it in the outbuilding until we can close on the house and hire someone to move us in. We are begging for help from our church and friends to get he furniture down the stairs and outside.

I am exhausted, mentally and physically. The constant tantrums and bad attitude form Elijah are exhausting. I am struggling to stay patient with him. I am just ready for this part to be over, be in our new home and adjust. I am horribly sad to be leaving this house and everything that is familiar to me but I am ready to stop dwelling on it and just get out and move on.

There are only a few things left to pack and I am hoping to get everything but the kitchen done today. I want to do the kitchen tomorrow.

Tonight is our last night here.

Then some overnights with my parents and hopefully a closing date soon.

Thursday, July 07, 2011


Calling Super Nanny--please come help me with my crazy children!!

This move is making them into little beasts. Yesterday at a playdate Lydia wouldn't stop bullying the little girl. Elijah is horribly violent and picked up Bethany today and just dropped her. He also threatened to bite the girls and had them both in tears form snarling and chomping at them. Oh yeah--and he threw a 1.5 hour tantrum yesterday and another over 1 hour tantrum today. Today the tantum was because Lydia wanted to sit in daddy's chair while she ate dessert. He ignored his own dessert, stood on the chair and just started screaming at her to move. I told him to sit down and eat and if he didn't then I was going to take his ice cream away. I ended up taking it and he got so angry he punched me. I then pulled him up and put him into time out and he raged the full 4 minutes (but he kept his butt on that spot!!). I tried to love him, hug him, talk with him but he spit in my face and kept screaming. I helped (dragged??) him upstairs to chill out and have alone time while I bathed the girls and got them ready. He continued screaming at the top of his lungs and he threw everything he could off onto the floor. I got Bethany down and was reading stories to Lydia when he finally calmed down. I am proud of myself for not just hauling off and giving him a spanking (my first inclination) but he is out of control. I don't know what to do when he's like that other than to get him away from the girls and do my best to try and calm him down. I have three little ones--Bethy and Lydia can't be left alone without supervision at all so I can't spend a lot of one on one with him to get him over the grump. He is also so out of control and irrational I am not sure that messing with ihm is the right thing to do either. Its challenging for me when I have so much on my plate with the move going on, taking care of the daily stuff anyway (cooking cleaning errands etc) and caring for everyone. Daddy isn't home in time most nights to help with the children so I'm on my own. I know that I would do things a lot differently if he were an only child but he's not so I just do the best I can. Three on one--the odds aren't in my favor.

I am pretty sure this is all stress related--all three are excpetionally bad this week and its the week we've really started packing a lot of stuff up. Things are changing and they know that next week we'll move out of this house. They are anxious about it. I am stressed too and fear I have very little patience for situations like a 3 year old dumping an entire bag of goldfish crackers into the box I just finished packing up. Grrr.... Hoping consistent discipline and consequences, lots of fun time, my undivided attention and maybe a movie or two or six will get us through the next couple od days.


To say I am overwhelmed is an understatement. The kids are tantruming, not sleeping well and generally in horrible moods. Part of that is my stress, part of it is that they know we are moving next week and they are kids so they don't like change. I am struggling to keep the house clean or tidy--in fact I am just flat out embarrassed. I know we are moving and the house has to be boxed up and look crazy but its killing me. Especially after 4months of PRISTINE show ready house. Bethany is after the tape and unpacking stuff as fast as I can pack it--the older two try and help but mainly just dump stuff in . . . its so hard not to get frustrated with them.

Today is hard--I just want to sit and cry today. We thought we were all clear when it comes to moving and closing on a new VACANT house that we found but the bank won't tell us when we can close and they say next week is unrealistic. This is a shock to us because we were pre-approved and Thursday, when we pulled out of the other house deal I went and talked with the lady at the bank and she said closing next week wouldn't be a problem. I just feel like a cruel trick has been played on us. When I called the moving company to see how much it would be to store our things for a few days they came back with $2500. Seriously??!! That's insane. We can't afford that since we've got no equity coming out of this house we're in until it sells in three years. We're scraping the bottom of the barrel to make our 5% down. Now I get to cancel the moving company, call some people to lift and put our life in the detached garage and put the valuables/things that can't bake at 100 degrees at my parent's house until we close then try and arrange another move.

We love the new house, but it doesn't come with a washer/dryer, stove hood or fridge like the other home did so that is another expense we have to face.

Oh yeah--and the back yard backs up to a lake with no fence so we have to put that up too.

And the HOA has tons of rules about swingsets gazebos, awnings, pergolas etc and you have to get your neighbors to sign and approve everything before you do it and we don't know our neighbors and there is no directory for the neighborhood. So the swingset may or may not be coming with us but we have to wait and see.

I feel like we're bleeding money--we lost $1000 at the other place, we're paying for surveys, inspections, appraisals and more. The seller is paying $5000 towards closing but that' won't cover everything. . . Can I just say I hate money??

I swear it would be easier to just get rid of everything than to try and orchestrate this move. I can't believe how much stuff there is. We've had 2 HUGE yard sales and sold a bunch of other stuff. The funny thing is it is furniture, toys and clothing. We have a bit of decorations but other than that everything was out to see all the time.

There are lots of blessings in this though--were renting to a dear friend so she is letting us store the things in the garage until we can move. She's also letting us leave the swingset until we can figure out the HOA stuff. My parents have agreed to pay to move the swingset to their house or to the new house. My parents have also agreed to help us with the cash for the fence and appliances until we can save a bit more and pay for it. Things are working out. It is just a lot for me today.

Tuesday, July 05, 2011

New house

We found a new house in Durham. It is awesome and lakefront. Inspection is Wednesday at 8am and if nothing major is wrong we hope to close on the 11th! So very excited!

Saturday, July 02, 2011

Staple Gun

When we were planning on the smaller house I searched and found a great deal on a used Broyhill Dining room set and I sold our set. It came with 8 chairs and our old one only had four--I considered it a step up. The table is in great shape, the chairs, not so much. The previous owner had a cat, the cat liked the chair padding and scratched holes in it. It was ugly beige and pilled and torn. The price was right though and I have always wanted to go all HGTV on a set of chairs. I've seen the designers cover stuff--I have made slip covers before and now I wanted to try re-covering a chair.

I went to Walmart and found this great geometric fabric for $9/yard and bought 3 yards of it. I spent last night recovering the ugly cushions and I love how it turned out!! I did all 8 chairs. The beet-loving girls' chairs I also covered with clear plastic vinyl. They will be so easy to clean!! I am tempted to go back and get a bit more vinyl and do EJ's chair too just to be safe but he isn't usually a messy eater and he doesn't like beets like the girls do.

Friday, July 01, 2011

Sleeping, house hunting and more!

The kids are not thrilled about the move and the change. Our "new" house in Raleigh is not going to happen as planned. The original house we put an offer on, the owners weren't willing to fix a couple of things we had major concerns about and that, coupled with the train tracks being nearby, a small back yard and a small house just caused us to cut our losses ($1000 :( ) and decide, one week before closing, that we couldn't do it. We feel like total creeps about it--they were moving, they have kids too. . . .but we just had to make the decision.

We're off this weekend to Raleigh to see if we can find something we like even better. Pray that we fall in love with something and that it is VACANT so we can go ahead and close on the house and move as planned. Movers are coming on the 12th and will move the stuff to our new home or into storage based on how this weekend turns out. Our tenant moves in on the 15th and we will be "landlords"--whew!! Talk about crazy!

Lydia has been sleeping less and less as the move gets closer and closer. She's always been an early bird but now we're talking 4am early. Yesterday she came down at 4am and said she was hungry and was just up for the day. I told her before bed last night that she had to wait until it was light outside before she could get up. At 4:15 she came in and told me it was dark and she wasn't getting up. About every 1o minutes she would come back and say "Its still dark and I am not getting up yet mommy!" At about 5:45 am it started getting light outside and she bounded it---"Its morning!!!" Of course she managed to wake both EJ and Bethany up with all of her status updates. It makes for a long day when it starts that early. Just so you get an idea. . .yesterday she was up at 4am. Went to camp from 9-1pm. Went to the museum in Rocky Mount from 2-4pm and played hard. At dinner, bath and Bed at 7pm. Fell asleep about 7:30pm. Yes--4am-7:30pm for a 3 year old girl then up again at 4am. To say she is sleep deprived is an understatement but she doesn't sleep in the car and I can't get her back to sleep even by putting her in the bed with me. I am just hopeful that once we move and things are settled she'll start sleeping again.

I'll just tell you that when I am tired, little things seem huge and huge things seem impossible. Most days I just want to sit and cry because I am so overwhelmed with the packing and the moving. The kids make messes faster than I can clean them, I haven't scrubbed the bathrooms in ages, there are boxes everywhere and the kids are climbing on them, falling off of them and making me crazy, I can't seem to cook and get dinner done to save my life (it doesn't help that Justin isn't here to share it with anymore now that he is commuting--its just so easy to do yogurt or cereal and fruit and veggies). I am ready for some normal to get back in my life!